Author: merocet

OK, that’s the opening line of a song. Who knows it? Betcha don’t!

Saw Nick Marsh last night with his new band The Mint Condition. That boy’s still a bit of an unsung superstar and slowly becoming Johnny Cash crossed with Jacques Brel with David Lynch’s house band. A fantastic, dark, jazzy shambles.

What else? Oh yeah, my cat’s returned from her annual summer holidays where she goes to live with a random neighbour for a bit. She’s gonna get a bit of a shock when her holiday becomes a bit more permanent.

My ticket to the US is no longer illegal. (I was going to be staying 8 hours longer on US soil than the 90 day visa allows for. Quelle Horreur! This would have meant I actually got turned back on arrival.) thanks to a very kind person I know and absolutely no thanks to British Airways. “The best we can suggest sir is that you discard your current ticket and buy another one for £700” Yeah, thanks.

Oh and thanks also to whoever has my credit card now. No really, great timing. I wasn’t hassled enough or anything. Ever felt like you’re living in the Truman Show?

and things to do…

Buy and install 3 x curtain rails

Varnish 2 doors

Measure up 2 rooms and a staircase for carpets

Order carpets

Remove broken built in shelving from living room corner and repaint

Buy bed and 2 x wardrobes

Get stored stuff down from loft

Finish boxing up remaining possessions

Have those possessions removed to storage

Buy and install shower curtain

Install shelves in bathroom

Get home for 2 x cats

I gotta do that lot by this Friday to be in with a chance of renting this place out… OK use the voting buttons on this page to place your bets… Yup that’s right, the invisible one over there on the right that’s not working at the moment cos the website that hosts it is down… what do you want? Perfection?

There were these two prawns swimming around in the sea – one called Joseph and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Joseph said to Christian, “I’m fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten.”

A few days later the monstrous magical lobster appeared and said, “Your wish is

granted”, and lo and behold, Joseph turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old friend.

Time passed and Joseph found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old friends swam away whenever he came close to them. Joseph didn’t realise that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the monstrous magical mysterious lobster again and he thought perhaps the incredible creature could change him back into a prawn. He approached the monstrous mythical magical mysterious lobster and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Joseph swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. Looking around the gathering at the reef he realised he couldn’t see his old best friend. “Where’s Christian?” he asked.

“He’s at home, still upset that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark”, came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to find Christian. He went to Christians little prawn house He banged on the door and shouted, “It’s me, Joseph, your old friend, come out and see me again.”

Christian replied, “No way! You’ll eat me. You’re now a shark, the enemy, and I’ll not be tricked into being your dinner.”

Joseph cried back “No, I’m not. That was the old me. I’ve changed….I’m a prawn again Christian”.

OK so maybe you heard it before then? made me laugh anyway.

So I’m back, back, BACK I tell ya and I’ve got 2 things to say to you…

Firstly, don’t try being a vegetarian in the south of France. Easy it ain’t and if it wasn’t for the totally fantastic and lovely people there who went out of their way to cook especially for me at short notice even if they’d never met me before, I may be a good deal thinner today than I was last time I wrote.

Secondly, and this is the lecture part, if there’s anyone you care about and you’re not talking to for any reason whatsoever, call them. Do it now. Don’t start with the “well they haven’t called me” crap or the “why should I call them when they obviously don’t want to speak to me” rubbish. Just call them now and if you don’t sort out whatever’s wrong between you first time, call them again tomorrow and keep doing it until it’s fixed. There’s no room for pride in this stuff and there’s no room for game playing. You know why? Because in these sort of games no one wins, and whats the point of playing if you know you’re both going to lose? Nothing is more important than this.

If you’re reading this, there’s a fair chance that you’re my friend, and if you’re my friend then I’m crazy about you. There I’ve said it. Now it’s your turn.

Lecture over.

X

…So I finallly cracked. Having sat down and rewritten the list of things that need doing in the house I sat staring at it in despair for about 2 hours, hyperventilated, and then called the builder that put in my kitchen and bathroom practically begging him to come round and fix my sick house. He agreed and is coming to give me a quote today, hence the ungodly hour.

Other than that I’m back to France for a sad reason tomorrow for a few days. A bientot, Maman Numero Deux. Je t’aime beaucoup, beaucoup.

This is a duck in regents park who kindly agreed to be a test subject for posting pic’s to this from my phone. It goes nicely with the fact that from now on, every time I get my phone out people will duck… No, think about it… That IS actually funny…

Quack

Dusty don’t, it looks like. She should have though. Funny how your mind plays those tricks innit? Well maybe not your mind, but definitely Doug’s and mine. Next week, Elvis covering The Streets. Could happen.

You know what’s great? When there’s a party out of town that lots of old friends are going to that you can’t make because you’ve got to paint like a crazy fool. You know what’s better? When all those people phone you up drunk from the party having a really good time when you’re stuck in on a Saturday night covered in paint. That’s just the best. Welcome to a new bitter and twisted version of the website. I’m off to listen to Swedish Satanic Metal and buy a long black trenchcoat.

Ah you can’t beat a bit of Bacharach as Jim Bowen once drunkenly said. Poor Mr David, never got the recognition he deserved apart from in Kubrick’s 2001. Any idea what I’m on about? Well I have. I woke up with “I’ll never fall In Love Again” playing on my heads slightly broken juke box and you have to go a long way to get a rhyme as good as “What do you get when you kiss a guy? You get enough germs to catch pneumonia. After you do, he’ll never phone ya. I’ll never fall in love again.”, pneumonia, phone ya, genius.

The fact that I mostly type this just after I’ve woken up could explain alot. The fact that the most played track on my broken head jukebox is Zoom by Fat Larry’s Band probably would be beyond the explaining of legions of scientists with particle accelerators the size of Australia.

OK two things for you to do, lets get interactive.

Firstly, someone tell me, did Dusty Springfield ever cover “I’ll never fall in love again”? I know it’s Dionne, but in my head it sounds like Dusty.

Secondly, now I’m curious. What songs play in your head the most whether you like it or not? Go on, use the comments bit and tell me. Someone else is paying you good money while you look at this so take your time.

Yup, the sleeping things still going really well. Always good to use the sound of birds singing as your cue for bed time I find. Now who’s hidden the morning? I’m sure there was supposed to be one tagged to the beginning of today. In other news, I need to find new tenants for my house which means that I’ve got to go through agencies which means that I’ve got to get all the tarting up finished quicker. Ah well there was very little pressure anyway and I like a challenge although admittedly I prefer the “can you fit in another glass of red wine?” type of challenge rather than the “bet you can’t decorate an entire house by yourself in 10 minutes” type.

Also gotta find a home for my kitties. Anyone want 2 very affectionate and healthy cats? It’ll probably make it easier if I don’t mention that they were rescue cats which were owned by an old lady who died and was found a month later locked in her flat with 2 pretty full looking kitties… always make sure you feed them before going to sleep.

And now here’s Bob with the weather…